Teaching in The Times of Covid: How You Can Help Children Manage Their Anxiety

Sarah Mundy • 29 November 2020

“Smile, breathe, and go slowly.” Thích Nhất Hạnh

Well what a year it has been. Not one that any of us could have imagined or would have hoped for. All over the world we are having to adapt to the threat of Covid-19 and uncertainty about the future.  Children have had prolonged periods away from education and, although some of them are back, this can be on and off as and when Covid-19 dictates.  Helping children cope with these changes is key for the education sector if we are to support them to re-engage in learning.  
As a Clinical Psychologist I have been working with schools as well as children and families over this difficult period. I wrote this blog to summarise some of the ways educational professionals can support children through the increased anxiety they are likely to be feeling.

Anxiety and Covid-19
A global pandemic is not good for anyone’s emotional wellbeing and is having an impact upon us all.  Whilst we are all in very different situations, it is far from what any of us are used to and children will be noticing these changes.  They are likely to be seeing more worried adults, hearing more stressful news and having little, if any, time with friends.  Children have had to contend with new rules, a change in routine, a lack of control and a loss of relationships. Like us, they feel safe when things are predictable – something which has been absent for many months now.

Not surprisingly, there has been an increase in children and young people having emotional difficulties (Kooth, 2020, Co-Space, 2020). Children are feeling anxious about many different things, including returning to, and being at, school. Their anxiety can show in different ways including having problems sleeping, becoming irritable, finding it hard to concentrate, having a sore tummy and being demanding and controlling. Younger children, in particular, struggle to find the words to let us know how they are feeling, nor the skills to manage their emotions.


Whilst a normal response to a stressful time, anxiety is not conducive to learning. As I’m sure you well know, children learn much better when they are calm and happy.  Unless we focus on helping children manage their emotional world, we cannot expect them to meet their full potential academically. Now could not be a more important time for educational professionals to consider their priorities.


 

How Can You Help?

For me, the primary objective for education settings at the moment is to help children feel more secure so they can get back into learning again, something many will have missed a great deal of (hands up here, my home schooling was dreadful!). I would suggest there are three areas that you need to focus on for this to happen: yourself, parents and (last but not least!) children.

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1.   THINK ABOUT YOURSELF


We are all juggling so much at the moment and it may feel like an impossible task to manage both yours, and children’s physical safety whilst also continuing to support them socially, emotionally and academically.


Although it can be hugely rewarding, teaching already holds many challenges and it must be hard to see the wood from the trees at the moment. School staff have faced their own trauma, including economic uncertainty, the challenges of remote learning, caring for sick family members or being unwell themselves. I’m also guessing many of you will have had your own children at home whilst attempting to hold down a day job. Making things even harder is the lack of clarity around rules - just when you have got into the swing of things something new is introduced (normally at a day’s notice!). This only adds to the pressure you are already under.


So, before you even think about what children need, it is important that you look after yourself. If we are to support children with their emotional wellbeing, we need to be able to understand and manage our own.

We know that emotions are contagious (and physiologically so). It is key that children feel safe and contained in their school, and that the environment is as calm as it can be. Have a think about how you have been feeling over the last months and what you do to look after yourself. If you are struggling it is important that you ask for help.

 

1.   WORK WITH PARENTS


According to a recent survey by Barnados, half of all parents expressed concerns about their children returning to school. They worried about their children contracting Covid-19 as well whether schools could manage social distancing. If we are going to help children feel less anxious, they need to see their parents giving them the message that going back to school is OK.


Schools need to communicate with parents about how they are keeping their child safe at school and the changes that have been made. Sending information home for parents to share with their children, in a visual format if possible (when we are anxious pictures are often easier to digest than words) is helpful. This will allow both parents and children to feel supported by school and better prepared for what the “new normal” looks like.


I have worked with some local schools around sharing information with parents, and have pulled together a brief resource (https://bit.ly/35N2mM1) to provide them with some information about anxiety and tips for supporting their children with it. Whilst the focus is primarily on managing separations from their parents the advice is also relevant to more general anxiety. Sharing this (and other resources) with parents will show them that you are taking their children’s feelings and experiences seriously and providing psychologically formed support.



 

1.   HELP CHILDREN UNDERSTAND AND MANAGE ANXIETY

 

Focus on Your Relationship:


Of course, there are lots of strategies to help children manage their anxiety – as a google search will quickly demonstrate! However, these are much more successful if they are delivered in the context of a trusting relationship. We know that relationships are the vehicle of change and that children manage stressful situations much better if they feel safe with you. Aside from their parents, you are likely to be the most influential and important person in their lives at the moment with access to extended family and friends being restricted (no pressure there!).


We regulate each other’s feelings through non-verbal communication. This is more powerful than what we are actually saying, particularly when we are anxious. It’s therefore important to send safety messages through your body language. Try to stay open and engaged, however hard things feel to you.


A lovely approach is PACE, whilst I talk about in my Parenting Handbook. Developed by Dan Hughes, Clinical Psychologist, PACE is an attitude of Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity and Empathy. If you are able to have these elements underlying your approach to working with children, they are much more likely to feel safe and understood at school.

 

Don’t Forget About the Body:


Anxiety is a physical experience – it triggers the release of adrenaline and cortisol (and lots of other neuro-chemicals). Children often need support to calm their bodies. Try to make sure relaxation and mindfulness are part of the school day and that you get outside if you can (the benefits of being outdoors are huge).


Talk About Feelings:


Try to normalise and validate children’s feelings and help them link them to bodily sensations. In The Whole Brain Child, Dan Siegel and Tina Payne-Bryson talk about the need to “name to tame” feelings. We can sometimes be too quick to dismiss or avoid talking about negative emotions, but when we help children know what they are feeling it is much easier for them to notice and manage them.


Teachers have told me that they are unsure how to address children’s experiences of lockdown, some of which will have been positive, others less so. They are worried about opening a can of worms. Whilst this is completely valid, it is important that children have a chance to talk about what they have been through. Not only will this be an outlet for them but give you an understanding of what they have missed. For younger children especially, remember that play is a great way to express feelings.


Keep Going – We Need You!

The coronavirus pandemic has done nothing to alleviate the pressures teachers already face daily, and it has absolutely meant that you have shown yourselves as the highly trained and adaptable professionals you are. The mental energy required to do your job at the moment is staggering.

This isn’t what you signed up for, and yet you’re doing it anyway. You’re putting together lessons with ever changing restrictions. You’re adapting your teaching in the blink of an eye.

Pause a moment and realise that what you’re doing matters. It matters not just for the children you have in your classes today, but also for the future. You are making history.

Take care of yourself and each other. Thank you for being there.


Resources

There are some great resources for schools on managing anxiety and improving wellbeing. I particularly like the Mentally Healthy Schools toolkit developed in response to the impact of COVID on children’s emotional wellbeing:

www.mentallyhealthyschools.org.uk/media/2025/coronavirus-anxiety-toolkit.pdf


If you are interested in hearing more ideas about returning to school, separation anxiety and support for parents, do have a listen to a Podcast I was recently on with Edx Education https://bit.ly/32ZFPK2


References

Co-Space 2020, COVID-19 Supporting Parents, Adolescents, and Children in Epidemics, University of Oxford. www.ox.ac.uk/news/2020-06-16-children-show-increase-mental-health-difficulties-over-covid-19-lockdown

Kooth, 2020 https://xenzone.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/230420_CYP_infographic.pdf


Our Books

Our books include a series of interactive books for young children which are a great resource for teachers and parents alike. Bartley’s Books consider separation anxiety, tricky behaviour, the arrival of a new sibling, healthy eating, bedtime routines and potty training.



The first in the series, Please Stay Here – I Want You Near is available on Amazon https://amzn.to/2IE3JUv or Facebook https://bit.ly/2HcHOTp and helps young children understand and manage separation anxiety. 


Also available is a Parenting Handbook which provides information on the importance of storytelling and the attachment relationship and includes practical suggestions on how to support children’s emotional and behavioural development throughout their early years, and beyond.


What is happening inside a young child's head? What every early years teacher should know.

by Sarah Mundy • 15 May 2021
Little children can be so confusing (and confused!). Sometimes it’s hard to know what they need from you - a three-year-old demands that she wants her cheese in a big piece one day and then cries because it’s not cut up the next. She wants you to hold her hand to go to the toilet in the morning, but later gets cross when you try to do the same. We’ve all been there, faced with the - sometimes baffling - behaviours of the small humans that surround us, wondering how to respond to their inconsistent requests. Perhaps it’s reassuring to realise that these seemingly random behaviours are actually quite natural - stages through which each child progresses. In a bid to help you support your growing pre-schoolers more effectively, this blog talks about some of the things (there are many!) happening inside their heads and how you can support them with what’s going on. What’s Happening Inside a Three-Year-Old’s Brain?

The Importance of Storytelling

by Sarah Mundy • 1 May 2021
What was your favourite story when you were growing up? Was it a traditional fairy tale like Cinderella? Was it a popular picture book like The Very Hungry Caterpillar or The Gruffalo? Or was it a great adventure story like CS Lewis’ Narnia series or JK Rowling’s Harry Potter? Mine was Dogger by Shirley Hughes. Funny that the first book I wrote was about separation anxiety! For many of us, sharing and reading books was an important part of childhood, even more so before the advent of distracting screens and 24/7 streaming. I have fond memories of curling up in bed, half asleep, as my mum or dad read to me complete with silly voices and giggles aplenty. It's not just books though - you can make your own stories up too. I tell my little one a story about “Grizzly Bear with the Curly Hair” every night. It’s evolved to be a lovely family tradition, with my older children sometimes coming to join in. This is a wonderful way to stimulate both mine and my children’s imagination and what I most love about it is how the narrative is co-constructed – I am no longer allowed to be the sole story-teller, my son has to be part of it too! A 2018 research study found that nowadays only 30% of parents read to their children daily and I can’t help feeling that’s a bit sad. Especially given the many benefits of sharing story time go far beyond pure entertainment.

Guilt and shame (why they aren't the same)

by Sarah Mundy • 11 April 2021
I thought I’d do a post on guilt and shame, feelings which are often used interchangeably but, from my understanding are pretty different. A quick whizz through some child development When we are little, particularly when we start testing the boundaries during toddlerhood, parents need to intervene to keep children safe. For those of you with little ones the word “NO” probably comes out more than you would like it to! This is a normal part of development – children exploring without an understanding of risks, and needing adult involvement to know when to stop. When a child is asked to stop doing something, which was most probably led by curiosity (can I touch that hot thing in the fire place?!), they are likely to experience shame. It’s not a nice feeling but is quickly regulated when a parent explains their motive and repairs the rupture in the relationship. “I’m sorry that I raised my voice, I know you were just exploring but it’s dangerous to touch fires” and so on. This gives the message that the parent is still there for the child and that they are accepted for who they are. The parent is showing them that their behaviour not OK, but that they are. This sort of parenting, when reasonably consistent, leads to a child feeling guilt rather than shame. “Oops, I shouldn’t have done that, how can I make amends?” (obviously not so clearly thought out for little ones but you get the gist). .

Are Early Years staff attachment figures for preschool children?

by Sarah Mundy • 24 March 2021
As a newborn, we look to our parents for everything. To feed us, to comfort us and to protect us. If they give us this safety and security, a healthy emotional bond develops. Research shows that this attachment relationship is a crucial building block of a child’s development, helping them to grow socially, emotionally, behaviourally and intellectually. But what happens when children begin to spend time with other caregivers, outside of the home and away from their parents? Do they develop similar relationships with the nursery staff, childminders or pre-school teachers that look after them? And what does this mean for you if you’re working in Early Years?

Smooth settling in - a guide for professionals - how to support little ones with separation anxiety

by Sarah Mundy • 24 February 2021
If you work in an early years setting, you’ll be quite familiar with the scene. You’re welcoming the children and getting them settled at the start of the day, checking in with them and showing them what activities you have planned. Suddenly, you hear shouting and crying as a stressed-looking mum tries to detach her small child from her leg. You feel for her, you really do; this child regularly clings to her on arrival - the anxiety is palpable. It’s distressing for everyone involved. For Mum, for the child, for the other children who are already in the room, and not least for you. You know from experience that they will settle down and be OK, but that doesn’t make it any easier in the moment. And you know, too, that poor Mum has headed off to work feeling guilty and upset, so it’s unsurprising when she phones 15 minutes later seeking reassurance from you. These experience are likely to be more pronounced at the moment, with children having fewer, if any, opportunities to practice separating from their parents, with collective anxiety at a huge level and with normal settling in sessions, with parents in the room, being unavailable. What is separation anxiety?

Attachment explained – what it is, why is it important and how you help your child to become more secure

by Sarah Mundy • 10 February 2021
Where do I start? Attachment is a HUGE topic, with decades of research highlighting how important it is to a child’s development. But do you know what an attachment relationship actually is? And why it’s so important? Do you know what helps children develop more secure attachment relationships? With different approaches and a number of terms banded around it can feel so confusing. This blog addresses these questions and focuses upon ways that parents and educational settings can put attachment theory into practice. It is based upon my experience as a Clinical Psychologist. For over 15 years I have been drawing upon attachment theory to inform my work with parents and children. I’ve tried to ensure that my suggestions are user-friendly. As a mum of three I have learnt that theory does not always feel that easy to translate into practice. We can feel pressured to get it right all of the time (apologies to the clients I worked with before having my own children!). The beauty of attachment theory is that we don’t have to be perfect. Just good enough. As with anything scientific there can be a lot of jargon – I have put the key words in italics and tried to write with minimal psychobabble. I do hope you enjoy it! What is attachment (in a nutshell)?

The Build up to Christmas: 5 Ways to Help You and Your Child Enjoy the Festive Season

by Sarah Mundy • 20 December 2020
In case you hadn’t noticed, Christmas is coming, and fast! It’s different this year, without nativity plays, big get togethers and light turn-ons. But it’s still happening, as both we, and our children well know! My three-year-old is already telling me that it is “Christmas tomorrow” on a daily basis (to be fair he also thinks it’s still Halloween so he’s not particularly accurate in his understanding of seasonal activities!). He is, however, starting to get excited. He’s remembering the elves escapades from last year, asking when they are coming back (I still haven’t found them in my cluttered house!). Why I added the nightly task of creating funny Elf scenes throughout December to the already huge list of Christmas jobs is beyond me, but at least he likes it! I was also quite proud of last year’s zip wire adventure.

Parenting: Why Being "Good Enough" is Good Enough

by Sarah Mundy • 3 December 2020
I know the gold standard for writing blogs is to deliver them on a fortnightly basis. I’ve been a bit remiss as this is my first one in months! What a better topic to start with then than why it is OK not to get things right all the time. Perfection is unobtainable, but it does seem to be something that we are pushed to do. The number of posts out there on mum guilt is astonishing. Over the last year we have been expected to juggle life in a way that does not seem possible. Many of us have been coping with (or trying to) being teachers, parents and professionals, three full time jobs all at the same time! This has left me wondering whether it’s actually possible to do anything well enough! And then along comes Christmas (gulp!). I’m hoping that reading this will leave you feeling happier with how you are doing as a parent, that you will realise that buying into the pressure to get it “right” is not helpful, and that you will learn that the attachment research highlights how we don’t need to be perfect to raise happy and healthy children. Children don’t need us all of the time. They need is a parent who knows they are good enough for them, accepts their foibles, makes and owns mistakes, and can manage their own emotional world. Forget Perfection - Strive for Good Enough Parents can feel a great deal of guilt around their work/life balance. Guilt can actually be a helpful emotion, allowing you to reflect on what is, and isn’t working. However, when you have little control over the things you want to change, it can feel overwhelming. The first thing you need to remember is that you are doing your best, and that is good enough. Interestingly, an article in the Economist reported that we spend twice as much time with our children as parents did 50 years ago (The Economist, November 27th 2017), suggesting that we are already much more active in our parenting than we used to be. “Good enough” is key to parenting. Research into attachment, which is important to children’s development, highlights how we should strive to be good enough, not perfect. A recent study on infant attachment found that parents need to be “in tune” with their babies about 50% of the time in order to develop secure attachment relationships (Woodhouse et al., 2019). So, if you’re getting it right about half the time, you’re onto something! Quality of Time is Far More Important than Quantity

Rupture and Repair

by Sarah Mundy • 8 November 2020
We can't always live in harmony with our little ones, sometimes our agendas feel miles apart. For me most of the ruptures come early in the morning, when my little one is pulling my nightie up saying "milk" and I am saying "sleep". My parenting powers aren't at their best at 5:30 and I often become cross (yup, I tell him to stop being annoying and to let me sleep). So, when this happens it really is my responsibility to repair the rupture. The behaviour really is annoying, but it's not helpful for him to hear that he's annoying when all he wants is a drink! In a previous post I talked about the importance of repairing your relationship with your little one after a rupture - here are some of the ways to do it. Establish safety in your relationship . When children feel safe and supported they will still do things that challenge you! However, the more secure they feel with you the less likely they are to feel that you are angry at them, or think they are bad, and instead may be able to learn that you will love them no matter what. This bodes well for those times that you are not on the same page and are needing to put in the boundaries. Remain accountable in your words, feelings and choices. When I am finding my partner frustrating it is not always his fault (but don't tell him that!). It's often when I am tired and busy and he is not getting what I need. We both need to take responsibility for finding a way forward, communicating well, acknowledging our feelings and being clear about what we need. Little ones don't quite have the skills for this yet and it is our job to model them how we manage ruptures. So do try to think about whether you would have responded differently were you not so knackered, consider what their behaviour was communicating (there's always a reason!) and try to be clear in how you discuss what happened. We do need to help little ones learn but it's also very helpful if they can see what part we played. For example, after I have calmed down from being woken at 5:30 I apologise to my little one for being cross. I tell him that sleep is important and that it makes me grumpy if he wakes me up early. I also try to think more broadly about what would have helped - for example, making sure he was well fed and watered before bed and getting myself into a better routine. What is important is that he hears I am not blaming him for being hungry and waking up at the time his body clock is set to wake! Know what to say (or not to say) and when to talk (or not talk) If you are anything like me you might want to have the last word, or show that you are right. Particularly in the moment! Whilst it would be more helpful if I did not feel the need to do this, especially with my pre-schooler, I do know it's a trait of mine. It's important to learn to read what is going on - is it really the time to engage in a battle with them when everyone is exhausted? Think about what purpose it will serve (probably make you feel more distant). It's OK to revisit at a later time. When you are talking to your child about tricky times, try to be curious, talk about unhelpful behaviours, explain how you understood what happened (what feelings were driving their behaviour), talk about your part in the rupture, apologise and say what you could have done differently. What a great model for children to see parents showing they understand, are interested in what's going on and make mistakes themselves. So much more healthy than punishing - remember discipline is about teaching, not making children feel bad or naughty.

Co-regulating with your little one

by Sarah Mundy • 21 June 2020
If I’m being completely honest, I have always struggled to explain what “co-regulation” is. It’s a term banded about frequently, but often without a clear explanation of what it actually means and, most importantly, how we actually do it! Looking up the definition of co-regulation on Wikipedia (a " continuous unfolding of individual action that is susceptible to being continuously modified by the continuously changing actions of the partner" ) didn’t clarify things. So, I thought it might be helpful to write a blog about it, with as little psychobabble as possible. I have focused upon what it is, why it’s so important in early childhood. I have also provided some ideas to help parents support their children through co-regulation. Here goes… What is Emotional Regulation? Emotional regulation is the ability to respond to an experience without feeling overwhelmed by it (and becoming “dysregulated” – where you lose control of your internal world). It’s about managing our levels of arousal, i.e. how calm or excited we are. Although no one has it down to a tee (there will always be times that we will struggle to regulate how we are feeling), as we get older we learn to regulate our emotions ourselves. This is known as “self-regulation”. We do this by becoming aware of our feelings, understanding them and learning to express them in a healthy way. We develop a conscious control of our thoughts, feelings and behaviours. Managing our emotions ourselves requires higher-level thinking. We need to be able to recognise when something triggers us and find a way to bring down our level of arousal before responding. It requires a level of awareness and ability to reflect. The ability to self-regulate is an important one. The better we are at managing our feelings, the more able we are to manage our behaviours (so important for social relationships). We can focus on what is happening in the moment without becoming overwhelmed, we will feel more balanced emotionally and are less likely to turn to unhealthy coping strategies. What is Co-Regulation?
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